Back with Angel!

After 7 long weeks It was good to finally reunite with angel. Lets talk about the positives first, what changes did i notice? Her interaction with everyone seems to have increased, She follows instructions very well now and her eye contact which was zero earlier has improved greatly, now she actually looks at you when she needs something or is being spoken to. She is also identifying some fruits which she never did before.

As for the negatives, she has had a couple of major meltdowns for no apparent reason, at least to us it looked like no reason but I am sure something is troubling her. The meltdown consisted of a few hours of crying and wanting to be outside the house. Not sure if there's any light sensitivity issues here as she has been having these meltdowns in the evenings. should investigate further! and yes....still no speech.....!

Back to Reality

After almost 7 weeks of being away from Angel, its time to face reality again. I will be reuniting with angel at the end of this week and I am really looking forward to it. This time away has given me a lot to think about and gave me the time to look back at the last few months and finally put all the pieces together with a more relaxed mind frame. On the bright side as much as I missed angel she seemed to cope well with me suddenly not being around anymore, once again she proved that not every autistic kid is the same. As most parents with autistic kids would tell you that their kids need their routine and when something changes they have a melt down. Well I'm happy to report that no such thing happened here. Angel would watch me on the computer and tap on the screen and try and say something and that's about it! I'm sure she did wish I was around but thankfully she did not fuss over it and I am very proud of that. 

So for the next 3 months my time will be entirely dedicated to angel. Here's hoping we only make positive improvements and she brings us more joy like she does everyday!

Exams Exams and some more Exams!

Its exam week for me, sitting 3 exams in the next 7 days and I've got 2 on the same day! Wireless Security, Wireless Networking and Network Security. Sounds tough? well they are but I've been acing  the assignments so I am not trying to stress too much about the exams, however my motivation to study is zero at the moment, hence why am on here making this post rather than studying. I suppose not having angel around at the moment should help but it kinda makes it worse because I'm always thinking what she is up to, did she eat well today? how did she do at therapy? etc etc...the usual worries. I would have preferred having her here with me so I could check up on her whenever i wanted. oh well...I will be seeing her in less than 12 days now. So having no other choice I better get back to studying. Wish me Luck?

Cure for Autism??

"Cure for Autism", that's my Google search everyday! Ever since angel was diagnosed I have very religiously been doing the same search everyday. ( and for those who dont already know...there is no cure!) As any parent in a similar situation I wish there was a magic pill or treatment available that would take away all these problems my little girl is going through. Part of my daily routine is trying to find various ways in which I as a father can help my little girl, The thought of her growing up and still having to deal with these hurdles scares the hell out of me, i don't even get sleep some nights. I want to be around and her help her in every stage of her life but I know that's not possible. I aint going to be around forever. Being in this situation is probably one of the most helpless situation any parent can be in. I wish I could take the blame and say, its because of me angel has got this problem, it would have given me some consolidation so I could at least point the finger to myself. 

But I am hopeful, I am not here to give up. I have to continue this journey as long as it takes. So what if everyone around me is having a normal life? I am sure there is light at the end of this tunnel for us, so I'll think positive and ask the question to Google everyday..."Cure for Autism" someday there will be a different response..I am sure...

Girls with Autism..

A video i came across on youtube about girls with autism and a few facts about the difference between the boys and girls on the spectrum. Some interesting facts....

Where is the Charity Spirit?

Today as I was looking back at the last few months and thinking of all the things that took place in our lives I remembered an incident during our first visit at the Doctor's when Angel got diagnosed with Autism. After consulting the doctor we went over to the chemist with was located right next to the the same building as the doctor, There was a crowd of around 15 parents and their kids buying the medication the doctor had just prescribed. There was a married couple ahead of us who looked rather worried and upset, they had with them their son who looked about the same age as angel. Once they were served by the staff at the chemist, he got back to them saying the medication would cost X amount. Both of them looked at each other and then the husband reached out for his wallet and started counting the money he had, I wasn't sure what happened and he told us to proceed ahead as they might take a while. The staff at the chemist gave us the medication but during that time both my wife and I couldn't help but wonder what was happening, we noticed the couple in a heavy discussion and then the wife pulled out her wallet and started getting out some loose change she had, it was obvious they did not the required money for the medication.

As we headed back outside the building, my wife and I did not say a word. All iIcould think was I hope they are able to buy the medication for their kid. As we almost got into the car, my wife and I again looked at each other and just nodded, we knew we had to do something. My wife said we cant leave knowing the situation we had just seen, As we rushed back towards the chemist, that couple was still there and we over heard them talking to the staff member, the husband said "which is the most important medication from the list on the prescription?" "We will take only that today." The staff member looked puzzled and told them they need to get them all at once. Without saying anything further I gave them the money for the medication and we told them to take care of the little kid. They had tears in their eyes and the smile on their face is still fresh in our minds. We promised we wouldn't mention this to anyone when we got home, But the only thought that was in my mind was, there were so many people there, why didn't any of them offer to help? Couldn't someone at least offer to buy one item for them? Why do we live in a world where there is so much selfishness? doing charity does not need to be about giving money alone, give your time to a worthy cause, offer someone help if they need it. I was always told by my parents that doing charity and helping others is a gateway to heaven.  I hope to instill such values in Angel as she grows up. Come on people, the next time you see someone in distress or in a difficult situation, don't walk away...help them!

A Wonderful Video made by a Dad for his little girl!

And so a journey begins

And so the journey into autism finally begins, I did not sign up for this..I was just forced to accept it! Everyone around me are leading a normal life, I had a normal too life just a few months ago. I was on the verge of starting a new career, my wife was on the verge of getting another promotion, We were on verge of building out dream home! Speaking of dreams, a family trip consisting on my wife, angel and I was planned to Disney Land next year. Should we start giving up on these dreams? certainly feels that right now. Our day begins and ends with angel's schedule.

Right now she gets speech and behavior therapy 6 days a week. She is on medication which is also going to help her focus better so she can learn things faster. We are robots, we have no life anymore, but we are prepared to dedicate our life to our little angel. I know angel is a special little gift to us but I envy all those parents who get a hug from their kid and then be told "daddy I love you" when will that happen with me? when??

Time for the Next Step!

After being left with no answers and being told to wait longer for some answers, we decided we had enough. We were not going to let our little baby suffer anymore. My wife decided we should consider taking angel overseas so at least we would have someone who took look at her right away and maybe have some answers for us. So without thinking much, we put our life on a complete stand still leaving everything behind we left our home in search of answers. What were expecting out of this? We didn't know.....

Once we arrived in at our final destination ( i might reveal the actual location at a later time ) we were fortunate to meet a pediatician who has over 30 years experience dealing with kids and he is also a founder of a Autism school. Before we actually meet him, we were told to conduct a series of tests for angel and the good news was we could have them all done in 2 days. Image waiting for 6 months back home just to do the same thing!

Angel had a psychological, sensory, hearing and speech testing and a couple of other tests which I cannot recall at the moment. Once we had all the tests completed it was off the Pediatrician's office. I guess at this point if he told us angel had autism we wouldn't be surprised, my wife and I had mentally prepared ourselves for this. And true enough, the doctor finally confirmed our fears. Angel was diagnosed having Mild Autism. We had gone past the phase of getting emotional or angry or frustrated, all the feelings we have gone through were too weak to affect us now. although it was confirmed to us that angel was not going to be a like a normal kid anymore, deep down we knew it could have been a lot worse. We needed to be strong, but how long can we be this way??

The journey into Autism has only just begun!

Family Doctor, Speech Therapist and Pediatrician

Our first visit was to the family doctor and we expressed our concerns. He laughed it off saying, "she's not stupid, she's a smart kid" give her time and she will be fine. Looking at our blank faces he suggested we see a Pediatrician but there will be a waiting period of 6 months to see him. We took the referal letter and true enough we were told the next appointment was at the end of 2011, dejected by the response we still took the appointment. 

My wife started her own little research and decided we see a speech therapist to see if they can tell us what is wrong with angel. The following week, still confused and wanting answers we went for the speech therapist appointment. After listening to our concerns, the speech therapist with a blank look on her face said " your child is autistic" puzzled by that reply we asked her to tell us more, without much explanation she said Angel might never speak again and we should see a pediatrician who deals with autism. 

Still numb in the head with what we just heard we walked out not saying a word to each other. On our way home I kept glancing in the rear view mirror and could see my wife unable to fight her tears having a cry in silence. There was just the same echo in my head "your child is autistic" "your child might never speak again"  I always thought I would easily handle any situation that i come across in life but today I just wanted to be dead, I wanted to run away, I wanted to crash my car and end my day right there and then. I wasn't even aware and before you know it, I had tears rolling down my eyes. Something is wrong with my little baby and i am not able to help her is all I thought. 

The next few days was an emotional rollercoaster for us and our family. at that point we could do nothing but wait for the pediatrician appointment to confirm our fears. During all this Angel was still the same with her fear of ceilings and closed rooms. she would bable but not say the words she used to before.

Almost a week after the speech therapist appointment, I get a call from the pediatrician's office saying there's been a cancellation and if I would like to come in tomorrow? Yes please! The next day we met the pediatrician and before he could say anything he was curious to know why angel was looking at the ceiling and what was she looking for? we explained the day care incident and the days to follow, to which he had no explanation as to what was causing angel to do this. Once again we repeated our concerns and he quickly took out a "autism checklist" but half way through the checklist he stopped and said, Angel could have some sort of "Post Traumatic Stress" ( yet another new word for us!) Angel seemed to have confused the top pediatrician as he couldn't decide for sure if she was indeed autistic or some other issue. He told us to see a speech therapist of his choice and a psychologist and then get back to him but he mentioned this would take time. In the meantime get angel tested for "Rhett Syndrome" ( another new word) 

What exactly is wrong with angel?? So far we have Developmental Dyspraxia, Autism, Post Traumatic Stress and Rhett Syndrome. Still no answers and still confused. We just wanted the world to end...........

First Day of Pre-Kindy

Angel's first day of Pre-Kindy was on her B'day, Although Angel seemed to settle a bit better than what she was a few months ago, she was still non-verbal, still poor eye contact and still rarely responded to her name. The first day of prekindy and instantly my wife noticed that Angel was not interacting with any of the other kids, the teacher called out "story time" and all the kids were soon sitting around the teacher while angel was still playing by herself in the corner of the classroom. As parents were allowed to stay during the first few days, we took the opportunity to observe angel at school. While the rest of the kids were following the instructions of the teacher our little angel was still on the other side of the classroom busy playing with some beads she found unware of anything happening around her. 

At that very moment my wife and I looked at each other and knew something was wrong. My wife was no longer able to watch and was totally come over with emotion and for the first time let it all out right there and then.  We spoke to the teacher at the end of day and had her own opinion about angel. She said "I think angel might have Developmental Dyspraxia" 

Angel made no improvement interacting with the kids in school in the next few days to follow. It was time to see the Doctor....

Day Care and the world changed

Fast forward to 2011 and my daughter Angel ( not her real name but we call her angel at home ) was a bright little girl. We had no issues from birth until this point. We took her to the health nurse late 2010 and found no obvious problems with her. Although she never crawled as a baby ( was this a sign?) we did not find anything wrong with it as my wife herself never crawled as a baby so we often thought she was just like mum! Her vocabulary was approximately 15 words by the start of 2011. Once again we did realise that this was not a good thing and angel has missed a milestone as far as her speech was concerned but we kept telling ourselfs that she was making progress, she was making an attempt to say words. ( was this a sign?) . 

Angel was turning 3 in May 2011 which meant she was ready for prekindy, My wife and I decided that it would probably be a good idea if Angel attended day care for a couple of months before she started prekindy so she would get used to the idea or interacting with kids. ( angel had never been to day care before as my wife was at home with her ).

Like any parent we were very anxious on the first day of day care, angel did not take us leaving here there very well but we thought she would soon settle down. Day one at day care only lasted for an hour, Day 2 and 3 were also the same and we noticed that it was extremely difficult to calm her down on the days she went to day care. something changed......

My wife and I noticed that angel developed a fear of staying in a closed room ( just like day care ) she would often run to the door and indicate us to open it! But why wasn't she using her words anymore?? We were often the envy of other parents because since birth Angel never troubled us with her sleep during the night. As parents we never knew what a sleepless night was unless ofcourse she was unwell, but that changed as well. Angel would wake up during the night and look at the ceiling and cry. why was she doing this?? Where did our happy little baby go?? What did they do to her at day care??

Things only got worse in the coming weeks, angel was still scared of the ceilings and the closed doors. She would refuse to stay alone at any point during the day or night. Was this the same little girl who would walk into a dark room to find her favorite toy? Angel soon stopped using the 15 words she used to say before. Her eye contact reduced and she slowly stopped responding to her name. We once again wondered what was happening to our little baby. Our baby was no longer in our world.

Angel's 3rd b'day and her first day of pre-kindy were coming up in just a couple of months. We thought she would come around by then and all would be well again......

Its a GIRL!!

It was late September 2007 when my wife and I found out we were going to be parents for the first time. As any other couple expecting their first baby we were ecstatic by the news. The rest of the extended family soon got the news and we were all very happy. Our little baby was now starting its journey!

A few months later the time came when we could find out the sex of the baby. We were very keen to find out because we had names ready and wanted to give our baby a name so we could stop calling the baby.."baby". When the time finally arrived we got told that we were going to have a baby girl! My wife and I were not particular about the sex of the baby as long as the baby was healthy. But, my wife said to me that the day we found out we were having a baby girl, she had never seen me so happy before, she had not the seen that smile on my face before. I did not recall anything different about myself but all I remember was "Its real, my little girl is real" and I cant wait to see her......